it’s so crazy how things can drastically change over a course of time – a week, a month, a whole year. i look back on my pre-teen years and laugh at myself for thinking i have life figured out. it’s a good thing actually, to see how different i’ve gotten, for that shows that i have changed; i have grown, and i have learned. an awful lot of things.
i think that our teenage years are our most transformative years, it shapes our identity and prepares us for the real world. last month, i turned twenty, and instead of desperately hanging onto my teen years in fear of what life has in store for me, i’m going to share eight things i learned during my teen years, that maybe you can learn something from too.
nothing fucking matters
not in the “drop out of school because we’ll all die eventually and none of these will matter” kind of way but in a “go fucking wear that outfit you love but think you’ll get looks for when in reality no one fucking cares” kind of way. sometimes we get too over our heads about what other people might say or think when they probably don’t even care; we just think that they do. ever since i had this mindset i’ve felt more confident and empowered. so the next time you try to talk yourself out of something as simple as posting a selfie, just think that none of it will matter in the long run. after all, it’s only embarrassing if you decide that it is.
feeling = freeing
i used to be such an expert at suppressing even the tiniest bit of sadness, especially when i think it’s inconvenient. it’s like separating work from personal life so i could work efficiently instead of letting my emotions get in the way. i even remember wishing to be numb, so i can be rid of hurt and fear, but feelings are actually so so beautiful. it’s what makes us human. without it, we’ll just be a bunch of hollow people recklessly roaming around the earth. in 2020, i’ve made it a goal to actually let myself feel things. to let myself dwell even, instead of writing a poem about it and moving onto the next thing, packing it into a mental cabinet until it all gets full and collapses onto me. i still need to catch myself every now and then since suppression has become a kind of muscle memory. but ever since, i noticed that i’ve handled situations better and became responsive rather than reactive.
the future literally doesn’t exist
no one should spend the present constantly thinking about the future. we spend a lot of time being anxious and planning ahead when the future doesn’t even exist. maybe we have visions of what we think our future will look like, but it isn’t guaranteed that that’s exactly how it will be. i think these ~unprecedented times~ perfectly highlight this. we think that we are ready then life throws something very unexpected, leaving us shocked and disappointed that things are no longer going as planned. it is okay to plan a week ahead, but you cannot plan your life away. it’s so important to be present in this very moment because time will continue to pass, whether we like it or not.
not everything happens for a reason – sometimes the world is just fucking shite
i think we are somehow conditioned to always search for the rainbow after the rain to make us feel better about a situation when sometimes there’s no lesson to learn, the world is just being an ass. sometimes the world just wants you to bump into someone having a crappy day so you can get yelled at and cry on the way home. it’s okay to not romanticize every single second of your life.
you are where you need to be
it’s the same old “do not compare your chapter one to someone’s chapter fifty” bullshit. it’s difficult to feel fulfilled when we are taught to always chase for the next big thing that taking a break is seen as laziness or a waste of time. we have a tendency to feel left out especially when our colleagues seem to be doing the exact thing you thought you would be doing at this timeline but aren’t, or when a seventeen-year-old social media influencer just purchased their first car while you still ask your parents for lunch money. we are dealt with different circumstances so basing your “success” off of what others have achieved and you have yet to is just plain mean and unfair. i believe that there is a divine plan and we are exactly where we need to be right at this moment, we just need to have hope that it will all work out eventually.
people grow at different rates and that’s okay
a podcast i listened to perfectly explained it: “the more you become yourself, the less you have around you.” i’ve had to face awkward situations where i had to break friendships because i’ve outgrown it and both times i felt terrible because i don’t want to make the person involved feel like it’s their fault because it isn’t. a friendship can feel very wonderful one day then bleak the next, and that’s perfectly normal. i’ve also had to unfollow people from high school which made me feel like a total asshole but i mean this in the bluntest but totally respectful way – i can go on with my life without seeing how they’ve been. i think that’s better than sending a fake “i miss you too!” back to avoid hurting their feelings.
you don’t need to have an opinion on everything – especially if it doesn’t concern you
in the continuous rise of social media, it has been very easy to tweet your opinion about everything – even if you don’t have to. i feel like some social media users think that they need to always have a say when something very big happens, and it has become alarmingly normal to send hate to those who don’t, even if we don’t know them personally. let’s say my neighbor’s cat d*ed, i’m not gonna go and type a whole eulogy about it. i can sympathize but not say anything because it’s simply not my place unless my neighbor actually goes to me and asks if i can speak at the cat funeral on behalf of them.
… maybe it is my fault
i’m not gonna lie, when something unfavorable happened before, i subconsciously always think that i’m the victim. let’s just say that maybe it’s a mix of me having a sun and moon in pisces plus me not wanting to be held accountable for things that i actually did. it was just easier to blame someone else and drown myself in self-pity rather than self-loathe (and it was a better narrative for the coming of age movie i made in my head). but! i’ve learned to let myself process the situation first before reacting. i think sometimes we are afraid to admit that we made a mistake because we think that we’ll instantly get bad karma. owning up to your own mistakes can be very hard, but it’s also very brave.
there you have it! i’m only twenty so i have more lives to live and lessons to learn. i really hope you took something from this. hoping to see you on the next one, stay safe and sane!
love, cath
cathleen sarahan 