school gives me anxiety

school gives me anxiety, so much anxiety; especially during it’s first day. i mean going back to school is fun! MINUS the struggle of getting out of bed, walking around the campus alone since you have no idea where to find your friends, the introduce yourselves, the new teachers, and the new classmates. welp. anxiety. i’m lucky enough i’ve been studying in the same school since i was nursery, but for those who transferred to a new school, you can do it. you’ll get used to it in no time! it gets better each day 😉

since school is right around the corner, here are a couple of things that gives me anxiety or things about the first day of school, or school in general, that just.. sucks.

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me and my relationship with anxiety

anxiety is a tall dark man, watching you from afar, telling you you can’t do it. he’s waiting for you to make mistakes, he’s laughing at you; making you feel far more conscious. anxiety is a loud voice surrounding you, telling you you’re worthless. you’re a loser, and nobody loves you. it’s a voice that won’t go away no matter how hard you try to shut it. it will not go away even if you act like you’re not hearing it. it’s there. and it’s telling you that you are not capable of doing anything. anxiety is darkness following you. it comes closer on your every step, it’s at your every path, and no amount of light can outshine it. anxiety is your childhood fear. no matter how much you grow, or how strong you have become, it’s there to haunt you. it makes you unable to sleep, and have trouble waking up the next day. anxiety is a tall dark man, a loud voice, darkness, and your childhood fear rolled into one. it’s your worst enemy, and no weapon can defeat it.
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people should understand that i have my ”off” days; days where i prefer not to talk, days where i prefer to be alone, days where i just want to be gone. not the dead kind of gone, but the i’m-so-tired-of-my-life-i-want-to-have-a-rest kind of gone. i tend to distance myself from everyone because if they try to talk to me, i might say something that i have no intention of saying in the first place. Continue reading